True Friendship

When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the bastard that made you sad.

When you are blue, i will try to dislodge what is choking you.

When you smile i know your thinking of something i would probably want to be involved in.

When you are sick, Stay th F@%k away from me until you are well again, i dont want it.

When you fall, i will laugh at your clumsy arse, but ill help you up.

This is my oath, why? Because you are my mate, tell this to ten mates, then get depressed cause you can only think of four!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

News just in: medicare our now paying $6.50 a shot for sperm donations, which means that old towell under you bed is worth about 40 grand!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Harly Davidson died and went to heaven as was boasting to god how he created the best motorbike in the world, God disagreed saying BMWs were a better designed bike, Harley said what the F*&K do you know about design, you created women and look at the problems we have with them!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know that look women get when they want sex?? no?, me neither!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Black man goes to the doctors because he cant stop jogging on the spot, doc goes and gets some white powder and cuts a line on his desk. He hands the bloke a rolled up note and tells him to snort it.

Black man instantly stops jogging and says: wow doc was that coke? Dr says: no idiot it was OMO, guaranteed to stop colours running!